


Broken brotherhood

by tenebi



Series: Lucky and The Red Ranger [5]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Accidental Baby Acquisition, Angst and Feels, Attraction, Awkward Sexual Situations, Baby Brother, Bad Parenting, Beast - Freeform, Big Sisters, Blood and Injury, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Brutality, Conflict, Crying, Denial of Feelings, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Fainting, Fake smile, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Issues, Family Reunions, Feelings Realization, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Frustration, Held Down, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Little Brothers, Mild Blood, Mission Fic, Nostalgia, Partial Nudity, Punching, Rage, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension, Siblings, Singing, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, accident stab, argument, lavender - Freeform, scared, stuck in a room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-04-27 03:12:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14416428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenebi/pseuds/tenebi
Summary: You are trying to fight and deal with this burden  in your chest. Your little brother has run away from your parents and you are without any news. You are seeing your story repeating again before your eyes. Your relationship with Raphael is deteriorating.No need to say that you feel like you are drowning ... is there anyone to save you?





	1. little one

**Author's Note:**

> Hello  
> So I hope you will enjoy this fic.  
> In my storyline, we are now in this moment where lucky and raph are clearly more than simple friends but not yet lovers, so I am going to focus on that.  
> also, lucky first language isn't English but I give you the choice of the language, and every time she is talking to herself, it's in that language even if it's not written and if there is a conversation in that language it will be written.

Today was one of the rare days where you went on a mission with the turtles. Basically, they were stopping the foot clan from producing some kind of weapons and you had to be a distraction since now April and Casey were not known by their enemies. Everything went well, you did the usual bait, making a scene in the front until the clan decided to play their trump card, and they tried to destroy the building except there were still civilians in it. When the first explosion went off, you got in contact with Donnie who explained the situation, you dropped your act and ran to tried to help anyone escape.   
\-----  
You had lost signal with the turtles and you were pretty worried, but it started to get pretty dangerous cause the building was actually getting down. After some running calling the boy’s name, right behind you, the ceiling fell off blocking the way out. You turned around in chock what were you going to do?  
“Y/n?” said a voices  
“Omg mickey! Are you okay? Where are the others?” You turned around running to him and realize he was holding a toddler.   
“Yeah, and the others are three... they should be there soon, “he said looking behind him “what are you doing here?”  
“What do you think I’m doing here, I was worried…? And why are you holding this child?” you asked your tone voice switching from worried to confuse.   
“Aww, you’re sweet … this little one, they lost their mom in the panic and I couldn’t leave them there” he responded as the rest of the gang appeared.   
They were all fine, well fine has no big wound.  
Without your consent, your eyes went straight to Your red ranger, meeting his eyes for only a fraction of a second, but just enough that both of you knew, it just happens. It took a lot of strength from you to rip your attention from him, but that wasn't the worst. The worst thing was that it made you feel better, you felt less stress after seeing him. You already knew you were condemned to the downfall, but you hated yourself for enjoy this call of the void.   
Little did you know what he was thinking?   
(A/N, so yeah this fic is going to have a lot of spotlight change, so bear with me)  
Even if he was too proud to admit to the others, Raphael was pretty worried about you, the second he heard the explosion, his mind went straight to you, wondering if you were safe and sound or in the worst of shapes. He also felt this call of the void when your eyes met. But contrary to you, he had accepted it. For once, he listens to splinter’s advice: “you cannot change the past, you have to accept and move to the future”. Well not completely, he had accepted the fact, that he felt this calling for you, but he would never fulfill it. It was a dead end for him, he was certain that if you ever came know about the burning feeling, you would never look at him the same way and he would lose you, he was scared to lose this precious relationship. But seeing you, reassure him.   
“Okay, so now how do we get out of here” Leo started pointing the blocked exit  
“Well this plan of the building is telling that there is an exit that gives to the rooftop” Donnie said holding a plan   
“Perfect, now. Let’s get going “Leo said starting to walk  
“Hum, mister aren't you forgetting something?” Raphael said pointing you and the child in Mickey's arms  
“Oh that's right we need found your mommy, little cutie,” Mickey said to the child in a baby voice  
“Yes and no, we can't just randomly get on the rooftop, there is going to people everywhere because of the explosions,” Donnie said not taking away his eyes from the plan  
“Plus, I am sure the mother of the toddler is panicking outside, it wouldn't be discreet to just let, lucky get them to her like if it was nothing” Raphael said   
Then the second he said that.  
“Is there anyone here, do you hear me!” said a voice over the new wall  
“Yesss omg yess I am here “you acted  
“Okay, stay calm mam that help is coming soon, are you alone”   
You made an eye contact with the turtles you just have found the solution to the problem   
“Okay, no omg there is this child with me” you said, totally in character   
“Is the child or you injured?” the securities asked  
“We are both fine,” you said  
You heard him talking to their monitor   
“Okay mam, the emergencies are coming soon, but it going to take time” they said  
“Okay, what do I do now?” you said acting a bit dumb  
“Remains where you and be patient, I am going to search for other victims”  
“Okay, please don't forget about me, “you said faking to be desperate  
“Be sure mam, it won’t happen” he ended and left

You looked at the boy.   
“Oh please I am a poor damsel in distress,” you said holding the act making them crack a laugh “so what are guys going to do?”   
“Well Donnie and I will go check for the state of the exit while you guys can take of the child and all “Leo ordered  
“ heh fine,” Raphael said, crossing his arm behind his head and sliding how the wall to see down, he didn't like being left out of the action but you were there so it was fine  
Mickey didn't even listen as he was playing with the kiddo.  
As they left and Mickey was focusing on playing with the child, you walk to Raph and sited next to him. Even if your body was crying for you to lean your head on his shoulder, your mind resisted and let down a sigh.  
(A/N now to Raphael)  
When you sat down next to him, Raphael secretly wished that you will have learned you’re head on his shoulder, but held on his cool guy act. As you sigh, he simply asked if you were fine. You responded with a vague approbation. With some subtle and small dialogue, he learned that you didn't have any news from your little brother for a long time and you were worried.   
But before he could say anything Leo and Donnie were back. The exit was fine but there was too much witness outside so they would have to wait a bit.   
(A/N back to lucky)  
Sometime pass and everyone was starting to get a bit tired of waiting. What had to happen happened, Leo and Raph started to fight, it started small with a bad sarcasm but it grew into passive aggressive remarks to get into clear attacks. This structure you knew it well, you were an expert in it but something seemed weird in this fight Raph wasn't the one leading it, he was only reacting. This setting, those roles, you knew them too well.   
Suddenly a flashback hit you, your big brother, his dark hair and a door. The door closing itself forever, the last thing you saw was his eye full of anger.   
But you were taken back the crying of the toddler, all this rumble scared him. Mickey not sure what to do stated panicking, a crying baby wasn't exactly what a ninja was trained for. Instinctively you took the child away and started slowly rocking him, humming a song. The humming who turned slowly into clear lyrics it was in (your first language). Your voices slow, calm and soft. The boy looked at you in surprise you acted so quickly and knew what to do. The child stopped crying and slowly fail asleep. You ended your song and looked at the sleeping angel.   
Another flashback hit, your big brother, his dark hair, holding a little baby with the same hair color has yours, it was your little brother, and he was singing the same song to him. Five years old you walked to him looking at the baby. Your big brother looked into your eyes, his eyes were (your eye colors) just like yours. He smiled and said something you couldn't remember, it was blurry. You looked down at your baby brother to see him awake, his eyes just like yours too. “Y/N, this is Mathis your baby brother” was the only line you could recall. You sat down, lean on your big brother and looked at too the horizons. Three siblings together, looking at the world with the same eyes.   
You asked Mickey to help you take off your jacket while you were holding the child, you placed it on the ground and place the child on it.   
In silent, the boys looked at you.   
“How did you do that? “Asked Mickey   
Looked at them with them with a soft smiled and simply said “ my little brother was a baby brother once “ 

 

 

Everything went well as the wall was getting down the turtles left you and you escaped from this trap. You gave the child back to their mom. She would have continued thanked you and blessed you for hours if you didn't run away.   
You met with the turtles in a dark alley, you gave them the last details of what happened and you parted ways except for Raphael who stayed with you.  
These times, after a mission, he would lift you to your apartment him holding bridal style and you holding his neck your head on his shoulder. This was one of the rare situations where you both were comfortable this much with the other, letting your guard down in silence just enjoying each other’s presence with some physical contact.   
But the joy didn’t last when you arrived you got a call. It was your mother, what did she want?  
(A/n lucky is speaking with her mom in her first language)   
Raphael stayed back, even if he didn't understand what you’re saying, he could hear that it was getting more and angrier, then you said this “ of course you really thought that he would never react like that. After two fucking kids, you guy haven't changed a bit and now we have fucking 13 years old running wild” and you went back to your other language. You were now very angry, Raphael had never seen you like that, he never tough that someone like you could have this much anger. The last thing you said was “if he ever comes to my place I don't even think I will call you “and you hang up.  
Raphael was very confused but this wasn't the end as you hang up you on your phone away in rage across the room. He managed to save it but when he looked at you, the only thing he had the time to see, was you punching the wall with everything you had, breaking the wall and leaving a trace of blood.   
“LUCKY?!” he asked running to you, surprised and worried.  
“I should have done something, I should have never left him there, fuck fuck fuck fuck,” you said faintly in pure anger, you fail on your knees holding you bloody hand and you started crying of frustration.  
Your eyes met Raphael’s, you hated crying in front of anyone but you couldn't hold back the tears. Raphael felt powerless and weak, he was an expert in rage and anger issues but he felt totally useless. He went into your bathroom, took the first aid kit and went back to you. He sat down and hesitated before taking you on his lap, you had no tonus, and you were a rag doll, anything could toss you around. He started taking care of your hand, he didn't say a word anything but you both knew that he would wait until you were calm. 

 

After a couple of minutes, you were now calm and very ashamed. You told him what happened: your little brother had run away 24h ago after a fight with your parents.   
You later texted him to thank him, you aren't proud of yourself but you were happy he was there.   
“Don’t worry I am sure I am going to pay you back soon enough” he responded you sent him this audio message “yeah I am sure, good night, Red ranger” in a very sweet voice.   
When you listened to the audio you realized your voice was really showing off your “concern” for him which made you blush and bury your head in your pillow hiding from the embarrassment.   
In his room, Raph was holding his mouth, his face blushing even more than you.  
“I am really this domed to fell for her?” he asked under his breath.


	2. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so here is the new chapter, I have spent a lot of time on it so hope you like it.  
> I am sorry to all Leo fangirls pls don't hate me.  
> also, lucky first language isn't English but I give you the choice of the language, and every time she is talking to herself, it's in that language even if it's not written and if there is a conversation in that language it will be written.  
> In this chapter in the dream, her family speaks in her first language mixed with some English.  
> So I hope you will like it and enjoy

prologue  
this night when the turtles went patrolling they stumble upon a flower shop, as they run pass ité. they were able to see some of the flowers that were still outside. Donnie stopped, he wanted to take some to for study purpose. while he was taking some samples, the others were looking at them, as surprising as it could sound flowers were very rare in the sewers and the variety was pretty limited in the city.  
Raph looked at them and came across are weird breed, when he smelled it one thing came to his mind, you. this flower smells just like you.  
“ Hey Donnie?” he asked  
“mmmh?”Donnie responded,  
“ what’s that flowers name?” Raph asked  
he turned to Raphael and looked at the flower and smelled it  
“ oh that’S lavender” he responded “ the smell gives it away”  
the other went to smell the flower, they were all surprised,  
“ heh, so you smell like lavender lucky,” he said to himself  
his brothers looked at him with a smile.  
“what ??” he said raging so cover up

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

it was around 2 am, you were crying in your sleep, moaning in pain. you were having a nightmare.  
it first started as a normal dream, it was sweet. Some happy memories of you and your siblings. You were running in the woods, your big brother a bit far away but his dark hair easy to spot between the green. Your little brother having trouble following you. then when you looked at him he had fallen. You called your big brother to stop, you ran to your younger brother. The forest had now turned into your old house. When you looked down your brother had disappeared. You were now older, a scene happening before your eyes, you knew this scene, this was the fight before Nicolas was kicked out. You were witnessing it all over again , every word, every scream, every gesture , the hatred in the eyes of your brother, the disappointment of your parents and the tears of Mathis. You were now back to your present self, your body full of the scar of your life. then your family and your past self… maybe when you were 15 you couldn't tell , surrounded you. Their voices mixing and intertwining himself to make a scattered symphony .  
The melody was singing that all this was your fault,  
you should have taken the responsibility, you should have been a better sister and a better daughter,  
You were selfish, you should have been more selfless, you should have acted like a good person and got rid of this futile dream of yours. But you didn't it’s too late now….  
you should have been better, should have been good enough, you weren't good enough. The song turned into scratching and bleeding noise you closed your eyes and block your ears with your hands. When you opened them, you saw the present Mathis lying down you ran to him, hold him, praying for him to wake up. he slowly opened his eyes, they were empty and his face was bloody. 

“ you should have done something,(Y/N) IT’S YOUR FAULT” he screamed

 

you woke up in sweat screaming your brother's name. You were panting trying to get your thoughts back together. But it was too much, you felt the tears coming up, you tried to fight them, you covered your face but it was no use, they came up and you lost the control of your body as curled into a ball in a mix of shivering and hiccups. it was full of despair, of fear, of frustration.  
\-----------------------------  
once you calmed down, you walked to the bathroom to get a glass of water. You sigh at your reflection in the mirror. You weren’t going to lie to yourself you looked horrible, had some red spots all over your face, your eyes were puffy and red, you looked like a zombie in the overall. what if he saw you like that? you chuckle a bit as a tear escaped from your eye.  
“ you have your little brother running wild and you are worried about what he would think of you if he saw you… you fucking idiot, heh, you really are a mess” you whispered, your hand rubbing your forehead, shivering fighting back the tears.

you couldn't go back to sleep, you walk to your window, felt the wind in your air, spring was coming soon. you stayed in silent watched the city. your mind was debating on texting him or not. After a couple of minutes, you called your best friend, who was unfortunately on holiday at the moment. You talked for a moment, it felt good.  
you were woken up by the sunlight on the couch, with a beautiful cellphone stamp on your face.  
\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were waiting with Casey, April, and splinter on the couch for the turtles to come back. the last mission was a failure. the boys were injured and Raphael had been shot with an anon injection, probably by a sniper. So you were there impatiently waiting for them to get back. 

suddenly you heard them arrived. You saw them eyes low, they all scattered into their tasks . Donnie went to analyse the sirige, maybe he would able to found what was in the injection. Leo went to splinter to do his report. Raphael follows Donnie, you could tell he was nervous, but you wouldn't help so you went to Mickey, who seemed to not know what to do. You took care of him, he had a couple of bruises, some cuts, but mostly a big black eyes. You took care of it, the poor one seemed very stress. you asked him what was wrong. He said that something was wrong with Raph, the injection it was doing something to him. You looked at him worried, you thought he was joking but his eyes (a/n technically eye cause one is done) weren't lying.  
you turned around to see Raphael and Leo shouting to each other. you walked to Casey who was just standing there. You asked him what was going on. he said that they were fighting about how it was the others fault that mission failed. But here was the thing, Leo was the one picking on him. You perfectly understood that fight was part of the healing process but this was going to far. Leo was going for direct attacks on Raphael, while he was looking down, his fist shaking. as he tightened his fists his hands started to change, they became more monster-like, no one seemed to notice except you. then he smashed the wall next to him.  
“ Leo stop…” he said trying to calm himself, as his body kept changing  
Leo, not even looking at him, took this as a “shut up “ and carried on but before he could say anything else, he was pinned to the wall by what was now an even more mutated Raph about to beat the shit out him. You acted fast, took the nearest object and throw it on Raphael to get his attention, which succeeds but now you had a real monster furious at you. You froze for a second then run away into the sewers, with Raphael following you. You had one idea in head take him away from the others, but you didn't think further than that. so now you were running a monster right behind you.  
you ran for a bit  
“ shit, you complete idiot,” you told yourself almost out of breath. your heart was beating so fast that you could hear only two things your heartbeat and the sound of the steps of the beast behind you. You felt unease ... 

As you pass a corner, you felt a sharp pain on your side… claws. Raphael had now claws about an inch long . You glanced at your side in horror, it had cut throw your shirt and your skin ( a/n not enough to get you stitches but enough to be hurted). This small grasp made you lose your balance, you tripped and failed.  
You tried to get up but Raphael had already pinned you on the floor. His face close to your growling. You tried to get out of his grip as you were out of breath, panting but it was no use. you could see chest going up and down rapidly. His body was very close to you. Your chest almost touching his plastron in its motion. Your shirt ripped was exposing a bit of your chest ( A/N I don't know if you see her with boobs or not, or with prosthesis or just without a bra so we can see what is under the shirt). This setting made you a bit flustered, as you felt this tension forming between you two….  
But you had to do something it wasn't your cr... friend anymore, this was a beast. Despite all this lo-strong positive feeling that you felt for him you couldn't help yourself but be scared even terrified of him… you never realise how much brute strength Raphael was capable of and you never felt in danger with him but this wasn't the case a part of you wanted to run away begging you to do something to survive as the other one only wanted to stay there drowning into his eyes …. it was still his eyes yep deep down he was still in there ...  
you came back to yourself when you felt his sharp breath on your exposed skin. Out of the blue, you slowly place your hands on his face, at this touch his expression calmed down.  
“ it’s okay Raphael, it’s okay now everything is fine,” you said softly, without thinking you just couldn't let him down.

In his mind, Raphael was lost, what was going on?...  
he didn't know…  
he didn't care...  
he was just so angry and frustrated it was always his fault always. He was alway the mad one always the one to do the wrong thing… God, He was so done with it all 

 

Then he felt something… something soft, something safe and this scent .. lavender yes this was lavender. He now knew what it was, but why did he know what lavender was?  
He also heard his name… a voice.. a very soft voice.  
Then you.. you saying him that everything was going to be fine, you being there for him, you with your lavender scent, you with your smile. You punching the wall and crying, you let him take care of you, you holding his hands, you wind in your hair looking at the sunrise.  
he suddenly felt this calling again, he caught it and closed his eyes. When he opened them he was directly looking at you, pinned on the floor your hand on his face. Your eyes mixed with fear, worries and something else, he couldn't identify. Raphael came back to himself and realize what was going on, he saw his hands monstrous, even more then usual.he was on top of you, almost completely on you and saw your exposed skin which made him flustered but this embarrassment faded quickly as he saw the blood on his claws.. and your wound.  
He quickly got up and backed. What had he done? he clearly hurt you...  
You were going to hate him for sure now!!  
Multiple questions and confusion surrounded his head as he felt his consciousness fading.  
\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
You set up, tried to cover your exposed skin with the rest of your shirt. Then when you looked up your eyes widened and your body moved on its own as you saw Raphael faint.  
You tried to hold him but damn the red ranger was too heavy, you were able to slow down his fall. You made sure his head didn't hit the floor. The second after it happened the others appeared, they seem really out of breath. Before they could do anything You got up and went straight to Leo. You grabbed his arm and took him away from the group.

\---------------------------------  
You passed the corner and started lecturing him but not loud enough so that the others could hear.  
“You’re gonna have to stop doing that ….” you said calmly  
“ what,” he said troubled  
“ you don't think I saw you ?” you said, “ do what ?”  
“ with Raph …” you said hoping he would catch it  
he did you saw his eyes changed with you said his brother's name  
“I know exactly what you did, but let me tell you, man, you don't want this go on”  
“ What the hell are you talking about ?” he tried to deny  
“ you think that I don't know what it feels like to be able to put all this frustration to someone else”  
You probably had ring the right bell cause his attitude went from denying to “ what are going to do about it” “ well guess better buddy cause I perfectly know how good if feel and how addictive it is. But let me tell you this is pure poison and it’s vicious .. it causes so much more damage that you can-”  
“ (y/n) stop it doesn't concern you okay it’S family business” he cut you, trying to close the discussion…..  
“ Oh no big boy let me talk if you continue there won't be an “it’s family business” anymore, “ you said almost like a sneaky threat, it would happen again before your eyes not with them you wouldn't let it happen  
“ okay go ahead,” he said calmly

 

One day let me tell one fucking day when you are going to get so used to take all your anger on someone else…one day as usual you are going to take for granted that he won't do anything else than fight back a bit and run one off for a couple of hours and then come back but here is the thing he won't take it anymore, you are going to see him walk out that door and he won't come back no matter what you do……” You felt your voices it was starting to break you were recalling every second of that moment the emotion was vivid...  
“one day you are going to hate yourself more then anything in this world each time you will look at that door hoping no praying that he is going to come back BECAUSE YOU SAID A SIMPLE LINE… ONE FUCKING SIMPLE LINE !!!” you finish your line your voice had totally broken your face squinted and you wrapped your hand around your wound… it was wet you looked at your hand... there was blood...it was still bleeding.  
Leo looked at you with a mix of confusion, feared, anger and … a little hint of disgust  
“ that’s enough…” said a calm voice… it was splinter “Donnie and (y/n) follow me we will take care of your wounds… leonardo and the other I want you to take your brother to his room” he simply said  
“yes sensei” Leo responded  
you could see he didn't finish as you walk passing him he said  
“ what do you know ?” he whispered  
you stopped, turned around and looked at him with a smirk and a amuse looked as if he was just said the most childlike statement ever.  
“what do I know ?.. heh Big boy I am you two years in the future,” you said with this calm voice but it had this drop the mic end of the game kind of feeling.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
when Raphael woke you were half sleeping, your head between your knees seated on the side of his bed. When you heard him moving you, you didn't move … were you scared? You knew that the rage and the hatred that you saw in him … were not real … right? you tried to think rationally, he wasn't himself and it wasn't towards you…. he would never do this to you. But you couldn't help to be scared if he was capable of this, what would happen the day you would be just a bit too much annoying? You took a deep breath and tried to shook all these feeling away. You “woke up “ and tried to act a bit sleepy. you lift your head and looked at Raphael.  
He seemed lost. you got up and seated next to him. your movement was confident, but on the inside, you weren't as much. as you got close you saw his body language change he was tense and ready to move at any second.  
“so how do you feel?” you asked you tried to calm yourself  
“ fine I guess” he's responded… looking away  
an awkward silent install itself for a moment before you broke it  
“ so do you remember anything ?” you asked hoping he had forgotten everything and it would all go back to normal. You could have bet your soul that you saw Raph jump a bit when you spoke, he continued to look away as he responded.  
“ …. everything”  
you tried to control yourself but you could feel the heat starting to accumulate in your face as you recall the little rather close moment you had….  
“ okay…” as you screamed internally  
“so…. how's your wound…?” he asked as he quickly glanced at your side and then look away again.

“ this ?..didn't even need stitches it’s fine I’ll call sick tomorrow and I’ll be fine, “ you said with a big smile trying to reassure him.  
the conversation was empty past that point. the awkward moment lasts a bit too long so you gently patted his hands and left saying you would text him soon with a fake smile that he sadly spotted.  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
that night Raph was trying to sleep …. he was thinking about you…. when you touched him… it was something was off…. it wasn't like the other time… the touch was insecure.. you were scared.  
“ shit,” he said “ she really hates me now”

both of you didn't sleep well that night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you liked it.  
> if you have any critics go ahead good or bad it can always help.  
> see you next time


	3. finally

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dear reader  
> I am sorry for not updating sooner  
> I have nothing to say for myself  
> hope you enjoy this

It has been now two weeks. You were feeling like crap, still had no news from your brother, your parents were not dealing with their mistakes well so they were blaming you, your deadline for your project was arriving pretty fast, your drawing tablet had died so you had to work with your old one and the last but not least your relationship with Raphael had really deteriorated. Since the transformation incident, even with your best efforts you felt ...unsafe. Yes, unsafe was the right word, you couldn’t help to feel unsafe whenever he was around. You forced yourself to text him and your conversations were empty. When you were hanging out with the gang, you would always get as far as possible from him. You even ran away from him once. God, you felt so bad. So now you had two being feelings conflicting one being the fear toward him and the other being your( not crush cause there was no way it could be it ) attraction toward him. With all this stress and lack of sleep, what had to happen happened. You caught a cold… a pretty bad one.  
You woke up with a horrible headache. But you quickly forgot about it when you saw his name in your notification. When was the last time you saw each other?  
….Oh yes, that time.  
*Flashback*  
You were basically squatting at the turtle's, watching TV and laying couch that day with Casey. Since you couldn’t get as much TV channel as they had. You and Casey were talking about everything and nothing. You just had finished the chip bag so you decided to steal another one ( a necessary payback for every time they ate yours), so you want to the kitchen to grab a new one. As you were grabbing the bag from the top shelf, you saw Raphael from the corner of your eye. At this instance, your entire body, every muscle of your entity froze as if you were made of ice.   
“RUN AWAY!” “GET AWAY” “MOVE ”Were the words shouting in your head  
You slowly turned around and made eye contact with him. You put on your most beautiful false smile and grabbed the chips bag close to your chest. It all went silent. He was trying to talk to you but you could hear. You took a deep breath and turned around to see that he was now very close to you.   
“ Oh, hum hi,” you said awkwardly,  
“ hi…. So how are ya,” he replied awkwardly,  
“good …. Good……….You?” you said trying to slip away from this awkward situation,  
“ good…. So how’s ya … wounds ?”  
“ It’s going ….. Great I guess… hey sorry, Cassey is waiting for me…. So later….” you said before almost running away  
you were only able to hear his sigh as you left  
*end of the flashback *

You were taken out of your thought when you felt your phone ringing. You checked it. Strange it was Donny. He told you one sentence and hung up. You grabbed your coat and put on shoes. You ran out of your apartment. 

you arrived at the lair panting, 

After someone question and confirmation, you were able to identify your brother. He was caught shoplifting by a security camera. Good news, he was New York… Bad news, he saw last saw with a small gang affiliated to the purple dragons. But you were relieved, Yes knowing him it would have been something he would do but he was alive and seemed okay.   
A couple of seconds after your vision was starting to get blurry the adrenaline had dropped and you were suddenly hit by a wave of death. Oh, you just remembered that you had a freaking cold and you had run like an idiot with just a small coat in the middle of February. That was a dumb thing to do. You started to loosen your grip, you tried to stay present but fail and your legs gave up. You felt hands on your back, reassuring hand, you opened your eyes and your heart stopped you tried not to show too much emotion you were staring right into Raphael's eyes… tender eye, weren't you supposed to be afraid of him?

Has he caught you he almost dropped you again because of the heat? Your fever had gotten worse since the adrenaline was gone.  
“Oh okay lucky are you okay?” he asked concern  
“ .y-yeah... just pretty tired” you covered up  
“ you are burning up….”  
Donnie came up to you and placed his hand on your forehead.  
“ She has fever… a big one. ”  
“I am … fine” you got up “ It’s just a cold, I go home I’ll rest and it will pass” you step out ready to leave.   
“ Okay ….. But at least …. Let ….. Raphael take you back home “ Donnie begged your heart stopped...oh no it was going to be super awkward…. But you really weren't in condition to get back home by yourself. So you accepted, you left the lair with Raphael in an awkward silence. When you got out. You both hesitated but he ended up picking you up bridal style to your surprise. You made sure to not hold him to tight….  
( A/n spotlight of Raph)  
“ This is the worst. Goddamn Donatello, now I bet she can’t wait to run away from me …. She must really hate…. Okay Raph you drop her off, make sure she takes that med and get to bed ……..Fuck, this is so awkward .” He said to himself  
(A/n back to you )  
despite everything, you were pretty comfy in Raph’s arms… since he was a cold-blooded creature, his skin was chill and it helped with your fever. You almost feel asleep in his arms but a sudden flashback of the event woke you up.

You arrived at your apartment, you weren't all there. you crashed on your couch too tired to go to bed  
Raphael had completed his mission. You didn't run away from him this time. You seemed asleep so he gently patted your head and step away. But something held him back by the hand… you. You had grabbed his hands. You looked really sleepy… he assumed that you weren’t all there so, he tried to explain that he was leaving you alone. But when he tried to get his hands out of your grip, he heard you mumble something.  
“ Sorry…. I am sorry. Raph…”  
“ Are you awake.... lucky? “ he asked confused,  
“ … yeah… I am sorry for ….acting as I did,” you apologized as you let go of his hand look down

 

A couple of awkward seconds which felt like an eternity passed.  
“ Lucky answered truthfully do you hate me? “ he said unsure looking away  
“ I ...I… don't hate you… I never did... Never will, ” you responded not prepare to hit the core of the suspect this fast,  
“ Then why did you run away from me?” he said frustrated  
*Awkward silence*.  
What were you supposed to say…..You couldn’t just drop then the truth like that …but you were tired and you preferred an ugly truth than a beautiful lie.  
You sat up  
“it’s just that after the…. Transformation incident. *sigh* I saw something in you that scared me away…I guess”  
“What have you seen?” he asked, afraid of the answer.  
You took a big deep breath lifted your head. Pain in your eyes  
“ I saw… hate, rage, anger, and violence… directed towards me and it- it came from you  
And then every time I saw you, I would recall all those things, the rage, the bloodlust, this desire to kill …me. I saw all that your eyes and I got so scared, I couldn't believe it. I tried, I swear, I tried to get over it faster but my entire entity was screaming me that you were danger … I have been so mean to you, ignoring you... avoiding you ….” You responded and lowered your head… you were very ashamed of all this” I am sorry Raphael.”

 

“Raph...?” you asked, you looked up, he had turned around making you face his shell … you got up and pressed your back against it. Which Raphael jump a bit

“That thing... it -it turned me into whatever emotion I felt when I turned… I was so angry at Leo… and I took it all…on....on you,” he said …, you started suspecting something,  
“Raphael… it’s fine, I won't run away or be scared okay, I am getting over it... you see” you reassured him.  
“ I think I got scared too,” he said faintly,  
“ yeah… of what ?”  
“ I was scared of losing you, I was so sure that you hated me...”  
You could feel in his voice that those emotions were very sincere.  
“ I know how you feel, the aftermath of taking your anger on someone else is horrible... the best way to avoid that is to communicate more so you don’t bottle up like …..(You wanted to say “me” but it wasn’t a good idea.) What happened…okay”

“Okay, anyways, rest now we will search for your brother when you wake up.” He patted your head and left without letting you see his face.

The next night you were just okay enough to leave your apartment. So you want back to the lair. Donny had pinpointed when your brother was. The boys geared up, time to scare some low-level gang.

Matiss was with a group of individuals they just met up to gather up their loot of pickpocketing all day. One after the other they show their most prestigious seizure but when it was Matiss turn there was nothing. That was mad, not having anything, Matiss own them a lot. They have sheltered him and feeding him, what an ungrateful kid. Someone was gonna have to teach him a lesson. Suddenly a widow crashed, four shadows appeared. 

A big deep voice appears ” isn’t it a bit late to play in the streets,”

A different voice joined”; good kids should be at home before dark.”

Another one; “ you all aren't good kids and you know what happened to bed kids”

The last voice joined, menacing” They get punished”

A more feminine voice appeared “ I suggest you guys leave this place or else-”

One of the gang members got up “ or else what? You fuckers think you sca-” 

But they didn't finish their sentence once they saw a sword blade coming out of the shadow.  
The entirety of the gang froze.  
The largest figure stepped forward and the entire group ran away. 

“except you, Matiss, you stay right where you are”  
Your brother froze, eyes winded, shaking.   
“y/n?” he asked afraid of the answer.  
He slowly turned around to your figure tear apart of the shadow, you walk slowly up to him, every step you mad making him closer to his demise, the sound of you step like the trumpet of the apocalypse. If you were in fiction you would have had a big aura coming out of you. 

You were now a foot away from him.   
You suckerpunch him right in the face, making him lose his balance then grabbed him by the collard.

(a/n in your first language)

“ You fucking idiot, do you have any idea of how worried sick we all were?”   
tears started to form in your eyes  
“I-I tough you were dead… Why didn't you contact me? Why didn't you come to my house? I was so scared….” You said ending in a cry  
You hugged him tightly as he started to break down.  
“ I am so sorry, I am sorry, Y/n, I was so mad at the parents that I want to prove to them that I didn't need them. But it-it got out of hand and and …*sob* *hiccups *sob* I am sorry ” he hugged back  
“ It’s okay now you are safe...sh ..shshhhhhh. I am here, big sis is here. “ 

In the shadow the boys were, looking at the scene from a distance, each saying to them selfs, “ I am happy to have those guys”. Mickey putting his around the shoulder of his brothers in a semi-weird hug.   
*time skip*  
finally, it had all ended, you had found your brother.   
He met the turtles and had time to fanboy a bit.   
At some point Donnie, made you stand next to your brother, both of you were confused.   
“ No, but like seriously, look at them there's no way they are not siblings, look at their eyes. They have the same” he said   
“ true, when we were little, we would play a game where the three of us would hide behinds the couch with a box with only holes for the eyes and make our parents guess who it was, it was….so fun” Matiss started very excited but ended looking down  
Awkward silence  
“ I wonder if we photoshopped the eyes of the other on your face we would see a difference, “ said Mickey out of the blue.  
“Let’s do it !” you said, in hope that your brother would stop thinking about all this 

You spent a bit of time in the lair.   
then they took you back to your apartment. The gang left but Raphael rested.  
Matiss went in to take a shower. Your body out of nowhere remembered that you had a cold and hit with a wave of fatigue, you let yourself drop on the couch.   
You thanked Raphael for everything and realized he was looking at the windows

he turned around and with a big smile he said  
“You know what you said about communicating better….., Lucky... I.. I really care about you”  
And left before You could say anything or see his embarrassment.

He left you there with your face turning light pink in confusion …  
“ hehehehe bet you have a crush on him!” said Nicolas laughing who had witnessed the entire scene, walked up to you   
You froze…. “ Oh …. Fffuuck,” you said in a desperate tone.  
Your brother tried not to laugh but failed.  
“ Hhahahahahaha OH MY GOD! (y/n) the “I am never falling in love again” highness has a crush….. OH MY GOD HAHAHAHHAH”   
“ Oh shut up,” you said punching him behind the head playfully

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed it  
> I am going, to be honest, yeah kudos are cool, but it's really motivating to get comments  
> cause yeah I am not finished with this story still got about 5 five-part left so if you wanna stick around to see the end come aboard. it will be a long trip

**Author's Note:**

> So hope you liked it. If you want to show your appreciation a kudos or a little comment is always appreciated.  
> If you have any critics, go ahead and leave a comment .  
> The next part should come soon.  
> Have a good day


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